You know how each day is the first day of the rest of your life, right ? Which is true of all days except the day you die. Well I’m having the same kind of feeling today 🙂
Due to a looming strike on saturday by airline pilots, I’ll be leaving earlier, tomorrow morning. So here I am packing the last stuff in the apartment, and doing everything for the last time. Very mundane things of course : washing, doing the dishes, having lunch, etc. But it’s an overwhelming symbol that, after today, I will never be doing these things here, in this apartment.
I’ve been moving from one place to another a few times before. Not *that* often though, if I don’t count the student period. So probably 5 or 6 times, where I could say I was living somewhere, and then moved to live another place with everything I had. But it doesn’t feel like that today.
In a typical relocation, you pack your stuff in the morning and get it back in the evening, or perhaps the day after. It’s not far away from you. You just jump a a small step. Here I’m packing the remaining stuff I’ve been living with over the last week, and everything will be stored away for months.
This is all material stuff, of course, but it’s weighed with symbols that make it a very heavy step psychologically. I’m leaving the apartment I bought three years ago, and it was entirely refurbished at the time. The place I was calling home until now – after that, I won’t have a proper “home” to speak of. That point alone feels like jumping off a cliff, for people like me living in modern comfort and daily routines.
Another very strong symbol is that the divorce procedure was completed two days ago. It took a long time (almost one year), and the idea was of course to have it concluded before I left. We’ve been living separately for long now, and this is really an administrative step, but it was a shock nonetheless. That’s another link with the former myself that is cut. While I’m happy that we are keeping a pleasant contact, and that there is not *too much* resentment, the formal link that we established with the wedding has now disappeared. It also feels like throwing away the parachute on the way down.
There was another symbol coming down in the mail yesterday : the last payroll from my job. My last day was officially mid april, but the formal paper arrives on the last day of the month. So this is like the last goodbye wave from the company, albeit an automatical one (but aren’t most company contacts automated ? 😉
So, in a matter of a few days, everything comes to a conclusion, as my homepage says : divorce, job quit, appartment sale. Not a day too soon as well ! It’s a lot of weight falling down, and at the same time it’s a lot of pressure piling up. Right now I don’t think too much about the adventure coming up ahead, but more about these last steps that I’ll never do again in the same context.